


Alex And Clover's First Date

by starwhale97



Category: Totally Spies
Genre: Crack, F/F, hot potato prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 09:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3405389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwhale97/pseuds/starwhale97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and Clover were both looking forward to their first date, but neither of them anticipated what was to happen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alex And Clover's First Date

It was the eve of Alex and Clover’s first date. The moon shone brilliantly above the trees and the stars glistened.

 

There was a knock on the mansion door. Alex had left their mutual home to give Clover the space she needed to get ready. Clover answered in a long scarlet evening gown of a silky fabric. Her makeup was much like that of pre-French revolution- whited out face, penciled in eyebrows, and extremely rouged cheeks. She looked slightly ridiculous. On the other end of the door Alex was in a pair of crisp dark wash jeans and her favourite Nickelback t-shirt.

 

“Uh, you look great, Clover, but you might be,” she swallowed loudly, “slightly overdressed.”

 

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that last part Alex. Thanks, I do look great. You on the other hand look like you hardly care at all. Where are we going anyways?” She listed off the name of highly expensive restaurants.

 

Alex shuffled awkwardly and uncomfortably, “You’ll see, just hop in the car.” Alex drove them along way in silence, both felt slightly bothered by the exchange at the front door. Alex pulled into a large, empty lot outside an auditorium.

 

“Huh, that’s strange where are all the people? This is the greatest band of all time…” Alex was befuddled.

 

Clover stifled a shriek, “You took me to a concert?!” Alex and Clover looked at each other in utter horror.

 

Then Clover got an idea.  It was impromptu and original, and she remained proud of it even long after the whole ordeal was finished.  She also thought that Alex was significantly more proud of the idea than she really was, but Alex was nice enough to let her think that.  She did really want to get in Clover’s pants.  

 

Clover’s idea was as follows: she dove towards the bookshelf on the left and yanked off some thick volume titled Woman’s Suffrage.  She wasn’t entirely sure what that meant, but she thought she had heard Sam use the word before.  Either way, it didn’t matter.  The book had a higher call now.  She pulled her arm back and launched the book towards the scene before her, hoping to get in a good hit.

 

Claude fell to the ground. “What are you doing here Claude?” Clover demanded in a Californian twang.

 

Alex was even more confused than before, “Claude?”

 

Clover shrugged and walked towards the half dead man, “My manservant, Claude. He’s sometimes obsessed with me but usually he’s locked up in the basement with only cat food to eat. You know, the usual for a manservant.”

Horrified, Alex moved three steps back. “Clover you can’t just keep human beings to be prisoners and slaves. This is human life you’re trifling with! This is.. This is.. this is too much. I’m calling the police.”

 

Clover’s blue eyes narrowed and darted to where Alex was standing. “I’m afraid I can’t let you do that Alex, I have too much riding on this.” Clover pounced on Alex and tranquilized her with the darts she apparently keeps in her purse. She proceeded to drag Alex’s limp body to the trunk.

Just as she was managing to shove her legs in, an old drunk man stumbled up and leaned against the car.

“Excuse me,” he said in a heavy Irish accent, barely comprehensible to the American’s ears.  “D’ya mind if I---” He let out a stream of projectile vomit.

“EW!” She screeched.  “That’s repulsive!”

“Sorry, you see, I’m Irish, and it is a statistically validated stereotype that I enjoy being an alcoholic.” He puked a little more.

“You are ruining our date here!” She hissed.

 

“Me?” Alex said dubiously, “You’re the one who tranquilized me and stuck me in a fucking trunk psycho.”

 

Clover’s fists clenched and her breathing became heavier. “Back in the trunk you go, lover.”

 

The trunk slammed and Alex was left in the dark again. “Where are you taking me!” she screamed.

 

Alex stayed in the trunk for what felt like days, dozing to take up time. Finally the trunk opened and Alex read a sign that said Guantanamo Bay. “What the hell Clover?”

 

“For the rest of our first date I want you to meet my friends.” Clover purred sickly sweet.

 

“Who are they..?”

 

“Just some friends from my old jail days.”

 

Alex’s eyes widened as a gang of burly looking men and women surrounded her all looking to get a piece.

She said the only thing she could think of that she may be able to use to protect herself.

“Have any of you folks seen The Lion King?”

They exchanged some glances and mumbled to each other.  A few of them answered in the negative, and the rest of them stared intensely at her.

“What does that have to do with anything?” One man asked.

Alex pulled out the DVD for the movie and plugged it in.

“Just watch!” She said.

By Mufasa’s death scene, all of them were crying and sobbing.  Alex used that opportunity to sneak away.  When she finally reached home, she sadly picked up her phone and dialed Jerry.

“Things didn’t go as planned, Jerry.  I just don’t know where we went wrong.” She felt like crying.

“It’ll be alright, child.” Jerry’s voice was creepy yet comforting.  “Romance never works out exactly how we expect it to.”

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Cards used:  
> -Nickelback  
> -My manservant Claude  
> -Hanging out with prisoners at Guantanamo Bay  
> -Mufasa's Death Scene  
> -Women's Suffrage  
> -Statistically validated stereotypes


End file.
